Adaptation of the text from Letter 130 of Saint Augustine to Anicia Faltonia Proba (†432), a noble and Christian believer who wrote to the saint because she was afraid she was not praying as she should. Augustine responded with this brief and practical essay written after the year 411. Part 1.
Note: text summarized and adapted. The original can be consulted at this link.
You asked me to write to you about how to pray and here are these words now that I have time and desire to help you with great pleasure, with affection and in the spirit of Jesus. The truth is, it made me super happy that you asked me, because I realized how much something so important matters to you.
What better opportunity than widowhood to dedicate yourself to praying day and night, as the Apostle says, she who is truly a widow and is alone, put her hope in the Lord and persevere in prayer day and night? (1 Tim 5:5).
Some may be surprised to see that, being a nobleman, of good standing and the mother of a large family, you care so much about praying. But that is because you know that, in this life, no one can feel completely secure without trusting in something greater.
The desire to pray does not come from nowhere. It is God who has put it in you, the same God who can make a rich man enter the kingdom of heaven, inspired you to seek Him and ask yourself how you should pray. Jesus led the rich man Zacchaeus into the Kingdom of God. And after his resurrection, the Holy Spirit inspired many rich people to stop clinging to their possessions, making them even “richer” by freeing their hearts from greed.
How to be able to pray
How would you have that need to pray if you did not trust in God? And how would you trust Him if you were more focused on your riches? St. Paul said that those who have wealth should not be arrogant or put their hope in something as uncertain as money, but in God, who gives us everything we need to enjoy life. His advice was to be generous, to share willingly, and to accumulate in the “bank” of heaven with good deeds, in order to gain true eternal life (1 Tim 6:17-19).
I understand that your desire for a full life makes you feel empty, even though everything seems to be going well for you. Compared to the real life that God offers, this life, however happy and long it may be, is but a shadow. God promises genuine comfort, true and lasting peace: “I will give you real comfort, peace upon peace” (Is 57:18.19). Without that comfort, any other “happiness” in this world leaves a feeling of emptiness rather than peace.
Wealth, high positions, those things that seem to give satisfaction to many, are not real happiness. They deceive us because true happiness is not in them. What peace of mind does something give you if you need to cling to it for fear of losing it, or if you are consumed by the desire to have it?
Having these things does not make you better; In reality, they only become good when someone who is already good uses them wisely. True comfort is where true life is, because to be truly happy you have to be a good person.
There are good people who offer a lot of help and comfort in this life. When poverty strikes, grief saddens us, physical pain becomes strong, or we are far from home and feel anguish, these friends are a huge relief, they know how to not only celebrate the good times but also cry in the difficult ones. Their company helps us to carry the cross and face difficulties. It is God who acts in them, making them good and compassionate through his Spirit (Lk 11:13).
Even if there is no lack of money, our health is perfect and we are at home surrounded by our loved ones, these riches and comforts do not taste the same if there are bad people around. The fear of betrayal, deceit or arguments embitter that “good life.” The truth is that nothing in this world is enjoyed the same without a good friendship.
Who can be such a good friend that we can trust him blindly? We don’t even know how each one will react tomorrow; how can we know another person completely? This lack of certainty and uncertainty about the human heart makes St. Paul remind us not to judge before time, before the Lord comes. He will make visible what is hidden in our hearts, and only then will we receive God’s recognition (1 Cor 4:5).
In this life, sometimes dark and “far” from God, we need to feel like desolate souls in order to keep ourselves in prayer. The Bible is something like a lamp in the darkness, until the true light shines in our hearts, God himself. But in order to see him we need to cleanse our hearts through faith (Acts 15:8), because only “the pure in heart will see God” (Mt 5:8). We know that when He shows himself, we will be like Him, because we will see Him as He is (Jn 3:2). After this life there will be a true life and comfort that will replace all loneliness and suffering, it will free us from death and pain, there will be no more tears. As the Psalm says, God will free our feet from falling. There will be no more temptations or need to pray, because we will not be waiting for something good but enjoying it fully. “I will praise the Lord in the land of the living” (Ps 114), I will truly live, not in the “desert of the dead” of now.
“We are dead and our life is hidden with Christ in God; but when Christ, our life, appears, we also will appear with Him in glory” (Col 3:3-4). That is the true life we must seek, and the rich must seek it through their good works.
In your prayer you must say: “My soul thirsts for you; how my flesh longs for you in this desert land, without paths and without water” (Ps 62:2-3). Even though it is full of good things and people around us, this life is limited and fleeting, full of uncertain joys. Compared to the happiness that God promises, what are they worth?
Being a rich widow from a noble family, mother of many children, you asked me to speak to you about prayer. I invite you to recognize that you are “alone,” even though you are surrounded by loved ones who care for you, because you have not yet reached true life, the one in which we find complete and true comfort.
The psalm says of that future life: “When the morning comes, we will be satisfied with your love and we will be joyful and happy all our days. We will remember with gratitude the days in which we went through hardships and the years in which we lived through hard times” (Ps 89:14-15).
Even though you enjoy many good things in this life, remember that you are “alone” and keep your prayer constant, day and night (1 Tim 5:5). Remember that whoever lives in pleasures, even though he is alive, is already dead (1 Tim 5:6).
People focus on what they value and believe will bring them happiness. But “if riches abound, do not set your heart on them” (Ps 61:11); do not cling to those pleasures or think yourself happier if they are abundant and seem to flow without end. Rather, look at them with indifference, only valid for simple physical health, important for this life. But in the future, we will live in perfect, eternal, stable and uncorrupted health. “Do not make the care of the body an obsession” (Rom 13:14). That is, let us take care of our body, but only to safeguard its health, without excesses or defects.
If a widow lets herself be carried away and clings to the pleasures of this life, even if she is alive, her spirit is “dead.” That is why many saints distanced themselves from those pleasures; they decided to share their wealth with those in need, rather than letting it become a source of distractions and temptations. So, instead of keeping those possessions here, they moved them to a much safer “heavenly treasure.”
If you cannot share your possessions because you have family responsibilities, you know well that you will have to give an account to God about how you handled them. No one knows your thoughts and your situation better than yourself. Only God, in His time, will bring to light what is in each heart, He will recognize each one (1Co 4:5).
If you enjoy comforts, your mission is to keep your heart from clinging to them, because a heart that wants to reach true life must be elevated. Seek to be among those of whom it is said: “Their hearts will live forever” (Ps 21:27).
What to ask for in prayer
So far I have talked about how to be able to pray. Now let’s see what you should ask for in prayer. “We do not know how to pray as we ought” (Rom 8:26). You fear that asking in the wrong way is worse than asking for nothing. Let me summarize: ask for true and full life, happy life. Everyone wants to achieve it; even those who live badly or impulsively do so believing that this will lead them to happiness. So what should you ask for? The same thing that everyone, good and bad, seeks, but that only the good really achieve.
What is true and full life? This question has tormented many philosophers throughout history. And the less one recognizes the Source of life and is grateful to God, the less one succeeds in finding it.
Some sadly say that those who live according to their own will are happy. What if someone decides to live unjustly? Isn’t he more unhappy the easier it is for him to follow his destructive impulses? Even those who philosophized without believing in God came to reject this idea. A great speaker said: “There are those who believe that being happy is living as one wants. This is a lie, because wanting what is not good is, in itself, a misery. Not getting what you want is less painful than wanting things that are not good for you.”
Truly happy is the person who has what he wants and does not want anything bad. So surround yourself with people who do not want evil. Some are better than others, but they all seek things that are convenient for them.
Can we say that those who have the health of themselves and their loved ones are truly happy? They would be very far from achieving a truly happy life if they did not possess greater, more valuable and more useful goods than those.
And wanting honors and recognition for themselves and their loved ones? It is good when it is not out of selfishness, but for the good they can bring. It is not appropriate to want it for appearances, for vanity or to be the center of attention.
One can also desire economic stability. St. Paul says: “Godliness with basic needs covered is a great gain. Because, in the end, we brought nothing into this world and we will take nothing with us when we leave. If we have food and clothing, we should be content with that. For those who want to get rich fall into temptation, foolish and harmful traps that lead to ruin and destruction. For greed is a root of all kinds of evil. Some, by giving in to it, have wandered away from the faith and gotten themselves into a lot of trouble” (1 Tim 6:6-10).
He who desires the basics and nothing more, desires nothing bad. That sufficiency was asked for and desired by the one who said: “Give me neither riches nor poverty; give me what I need to live on, lest I become satisfied and become a liar and say, ‘Who sees me?’ or, pressed by poverty, I end up stealing and harming the name of God” (Prov 30:8-9).
This sufficiency allows for health and maintaining a decorum suitable for relating to others in an honest and civilized manner. In all these things, what is really sought is the integrity of the human being and friendship. Sufficiency is related to both goods.
Integrity has to do with life itself: with health and with the well-being of both soul and body. Friendship is not limited to the close circle, but embraces all those who deserve our love and kindness, even those who are our enemies, because we are asked to pray for them.
This means that no person should be denied our charity, because of the universal brotherhood that we share with all humanity, even if it costs us a little more with some than with others and we prefer the company of those who also love us in a healthy and sincere way. Therefore, we must pray for these goods: if we already have them, so as not to lose them; and if we do not have them, to obtain them.
But sufficiency must be seen as secondary when it comes to attaining eternal life. Even if we are in good health, the spirit is not healthy if we do not prioritize the eternal over the material. We cannot live meaningfully in the present if we are not building merits for what is to come.
So it is clear that everything we wish for in a useful and proper way must be directed toward that life in which we live with God and for God. We love ourselves correctly when we love God. And following this principle, we truly love our brothers and sisters as ourselves when, within our means, we guide them toward a similar love for God.
We love God for himself, and we love ourselves and others for him. But even if we live like this, we must not think that we have already attained the blessed life and that we have nothing more to ask for. How can we have a truly happy and joyful life if we lack the only thing for which we live well?
Why do we ask ourselves what to ask for and obsess over not doing it correctly? We can remember what the Psalm says: “One thing I ask of the Lord, this I seek: to dwell in the house of the Lord all the days of my life, to contemplate the beauty of the Lord and to visit his holy temple. (Ps 26:4).”
In that dwelling, all days are simultaneous and eternal, that life is infinite. To reach that blessed life, the same and true God, through Jesus, taught us how to pray; not with many words, as if speaking a lot would make us be heard more, because, as He himself said, we pray to Him who knows our needs before we expose them to Him (Mt 6:7-8).
It is surprising that He who knows our needs exhorts us to pray. He said that it is necessary to pray always and not to faint, using as an example a widow who, by dint of supplications, was heard by an unjust judge. He was not moved by justice or charity, but he felt overwhelmed by insistence. Hence, Jesus teaches us that the Lord, just and merciful, will listen to our prayers if we persevere in them.
Jesus shows that God, who does not sleep and wakes us up when we are asleep, will listen to us with willingness and kindness. Christ illustrates this with the story of a man who, upon receiving a friend at home and having nothing to offer him, asked another for three loaves of bread, perhaps symbolizing the Trinity. Even though the friend was lying down, he was forced to get up and give him the loaves more out of annoyance than desire (Luke 11:5-13). If one who is asleep acts because of the insistence of a pest, even more so will one who does not sleep respond when we ask him.
And he tells us: “Ask, and you will receive; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives, and he who seeks finds, and to him who knocks it will be opened. Which of you, if your child asks for a loaf of bread, will give him a stone? Or if he asks for a fish, will give him a snake? Or if he asks for an egg, will give him a scorpion? If you, being imperfect, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your heavenly Father give good things to those who ask him? (Lk 11:9-13).”
Saint Paul recommends three virtues. The first is faith, symbolized by the fish (1 Cor 13:13), a symbol that can come from the water of baptism, or because faith remains firm amidst the adversities of this world; in contrast to faith, there is the serpent, which, with its viperous tongue, leads one to renounce faith in God.
The second virtue is hope, represented by the egg, a symbol that comes from the life of the chicken that has not yet begun; it is not yet visible, but is expected, since “hope that is seen is no longer hope” (Rom 8:24). Hope is opposed to the scorpion, since he who hopes for eternal life forgets what he leaves behind and looks forward to what lies ahead. Looking back is harmful: the scorpion has its poisonous sting behind it.
The third virtue is charity, symbolized by bread. It is the greatest of the three (1 Cor 13:13), since bread is more useful than everything else and is opposed to stone, since hardened hearts reject love.
Although these symbols may have other interpretations, there is no doubt that those who know how to give good things and care for their children invite us to ask, seek and knock.