4. Ambrose

At that time Milan was the most important city in the world. The position of professor of rhetoric in the imperial school was highly sought after and an extraordinary springboard to fame, wealth and honor. He alternated with the highest society, and could reach the emperor himself. I, for example, had the opportunity to give him a speech in his honor that, apparently, made a very good impression on him. Although all that interested me very little; what I yearned for was to satisfy the need born in my spirit with the reading of the Hortensio.

The bishop of Milan was called Ambrose. He was the most famous cleric, both for his wisdom and for the arm wrestling he had maintained with the empress in defense of the Catholics. He was the first to lock himself in a church as a sign of protest; later many others have wanted to imitate him. He received me very politely, but coldly; knew that I was a Manichaean. I started attending his sermons for the simple pleasure of listening to the great speaker that he was. But his words were not innocuous; Those sermons began to teach me how to understand the Bible, what the Church really is, and what is the importance of faith in our lives. So I thought I’d go talk to him about my problems. In fact, I went several times to see him; or, better, I was several times at the door, but I never dared to enter.

My mother had come to Milan looking for me, and Ambrosio really appreciated her. As perceptive as she was, she realized right away what was happening to me and she insisted that I talk to him. Very naive, she put on the screen an insignificant problem of hers that she asked me to consult the bishop. I was ready to do it, but this time I didn’t dare to open up to him either.

It was around these days that a group of friends came up with the idea of living in community, with the idea of helping each other to find what we were looking for. We got to work: everything would be common and we would take care of the administration in shifts. But everything fell apart because of the women. Some of us were married and others we hoped to be soon, and we didn’t know how to understand each other; so we left it. However, the idea never left my mind.